also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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