I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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