Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
