i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
