yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
