If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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