you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
