I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
