i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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