its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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