Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
