sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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