trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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