Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
