I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
