yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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