I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
