I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
