I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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