Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
