but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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