Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
