All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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