i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
