She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
