Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
