It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
