NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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