I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
