just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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