You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
