It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
