i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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