im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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