is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
