woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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