You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
