Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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