from now on my penis is your penis
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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