new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
