It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
