I think i peed on brittanys purse
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so let's talk penis.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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