I look better un-naked...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
