I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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