i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
