He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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