Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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