What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
