thus making me awesome and them whores
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
is it fun? or sober?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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