hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
