Define "chronic" masturbator.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
