this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
