too bad you live with your parents still
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
