i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
