how can u be prego again
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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