How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
