sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
