My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
